The Gospel According to St. Giles of Fellatio:
And Lo, it came to pass that, in the time of the Emperor Commodus, when Phallus Maximus Ludicrus was Governor of Laetitia Minor, an awesome heavenly host did visitate and reveal themselves upon the humble Gopsiites, yea even as they were guarding their flocks from the Welshmen. And this host did sing, such that their voices descended from heaven even unto the small town of Ispog, that is known also as Ye Pouhlls of Blakk, renowned from afar for its silliness and its prostitutes. And Lo, the Gopsiites were sore and afraid, (although that was mainly because of the previous night). And the heavenly host did say unto them, "Fear not, for I bring you tidings of exceeding great tidingness. Unto you a Party shall be born, and you shall name it the Black Poles Christmas Party, and you shall feast upon the holy Chok-ko-latt of Kadbory and the sacred Spon-je-Kay-ke; and you shall drink the Lem-on-ayd and the Di-yat-Liltt."
And so a great cheer went up among the Gopsiites, and they did all that the Angel had told them to do. And Lo, there was much gnashing of teeth and spewing of chocolate-cake in the land of the gopsiites, for they ate far too much. And they saw that it was Good, and said, "let's do it again next year". And so it came to pass that each December, Christmas is celebrated, and the Gopsiites have once more a massive blow-out at the poles. There is also something about a baby being born in a staple, but no-one pays any attention to that now.