I'm the best person in the world.
You can't get better than me,
So don't try.
This is the best song in the world.
You can't get better than this song,
So don't try.
Cos' I'm the best!
Yes I'm the best!
Cos' I'm the best!
Yes I'm the best!
You're the worst person in the world.
You can't get worse than you,
So don't try.
(If you had a song)
It'd be the worst song in the world.
You wouldn't be able to get worse than your song,
So don't bother trying.
Cos You're the worst!
And I'm the best!
Yes You're the worst!
And I'm the best!
(So the story is crap)
Black Pole dweller, insane fella
Thought to himself
Oops i've gone completely mad
I'm caught in a turd competition
I'm a professional cynic
But my hearts not in ic
I'm paying the price of living life at the madness limit
Caught up in the century's cup of tea
It preys on his cat, he's getting fat
(Like Gilvo)
Now he lives in a huse, ir'ne 't'b'ngs h'use
In the country
Watching the Magic Roundabout
And the turds he spouts in the country
He's on the pill
And he's grown a bill in the country
It's like an animal turd
Lots of lemon curd in the country
Now he's got Morning Glory
He's voting tory
He's even taping jackanory
In touch with his own mortality
He's reading what letters mean,
Knocking back amphetamines,
It's a spiteful hand
That makes you watch Jo Brand
Oh it's the centuries remedy
For the mad in the brain:
Go on the game!
(Gilvo is fat)
He lives in a huse, ir'ne 't'b'ngs h'use
In the country
He's got a frog in his chest
So he needs a lot of breast in the country
He doesn't drink, smoke, shit,
Although he shags a bit it in the country
Oh it's like a rural farm,
Lots of animals to harm in the country
Blow David out he is so sad we don't know why
Blow David out he is so sad we don't know why
(Repeat both choruses)
The world is coming to an end,
To an end,
The sky is falling on our heads,
On our heads,
And the end is nigh,
The end is nigh,
The world is coming to an end,
To an end.
Our lives are coming to an end,
To an end,
We're all going to die,
Going to die
And there's no point in carrying on,
There's no point in going on,
Going on
We're all going to pass away,
Pass away,
We're all going to hop the twig,
Give up the ghost,
Because we're terminally ill,
Our time is up,
We're all going to breathe our last,
Pass away.
1. Alan Partridge in a pear tree
2. Dirty tarts
3. French horns
4. Calling girls
5. Dildos
6. Sordid sex sessions
7. Sheep a shagging
8. Groping garcons
9. Naughty knockers
10. Frenchmen felching
11. Lords a licking
12. Members of gopsi
It's Mr. Gibb,
It's Mr. Gibb,
It's Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Gibb.
It's Mr. Brown,
It's Mr. Brown,
Get on, Get on, Get on, Get on, Get on down!
It's Mrs Black,
It's Mrs Black,
She's a, she's a, she's a, she's a, she's a bit cack.
Chorus:
You are what you eat,
Right down to your feet,
So step out on the street and sing what ya gonna eat!
Verses:
I am a banana, I'm a chicken curry,
I'm a tomato pizza, I'm a mint brand called murray.
I am a roast chicken, I'm an egg - bacon flan,
I am an apple, I'm even my Gran
I am a roast peanut, I'm even a duck,
I mostly alcohol, but I couldn't care less.
There was a man who had a shag,
He did it with a donkey,
But he couldn't get it up
Because it was too wonky.
There was a man who had a shag
He did it with a dildo,
And it went up straight away
Because it gave him a thrill so!
Mr Fernandez rode a horse
Doo Dah, Doo Dah,
He fell off and got back on again,
Doo Dah, Doo Dah Day.
And when he rode his Horse...
He fell off a lot....
But he always got back on again,
Doo Dah, Doo Dah Day.
Mr Pearson rode it too,
Doo Dah, Doo Dah,
It did a great big smelly poo,
Doo Dah, Doo Dah Day.
And it smelt of poo!
And Mr. Pearson too!
Mr Pearson rode it too,
Doo Dah, Doo Dah Day.
Oh! There's nothing like a jolly lot of sex....
To start your day
Hey Hey Hey
Ho Ho Ho
He He He
Can't catch me...
Cos' I'm a busy bumble bee (Bong!).
He's Popular
Oh yes He's really popular!
She's Spectacular
Oh yes She's really regular!
He's Irregular
Oh yes He's really similar!
She's Perpendicular
Oh yes She's really Rectangular!
He's Circular
Oh yes He's really Triangular!
She's Molecular
Oh yes she's really spatula!
He's Dracula
Oh yes he's really Duckula!
She's Miss Saggar
Oh yes she's really Inferior!
He's Adrian Ma
Oh yes he really is Telstar!
She's in a Car
Oh yes she's really in the spa!
He's One over par
Oh yes He's really laying down tar!
She's Popular
Oh yes she's really popular!
How much does music really change?
Don't you think it's kinda strange
You've heard all these songs somewhere before?
The Beatles sung them as a hit,
But Noel changed them: now they're shit;
But still they sing them just a little more.
Someday we will find them
Caught beneath the landslide
In a cocaine supernova in the sky.
No way will we find you
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova
Cos Liam believes that they're
Gonna get away from the police.
But you and I, want them to die,
Oasis are still around
We don't know why, why why why.
Wake up Liam and ask him why
Without Noel the group will die,
Wipe that tear away now from his eye.
You must take us all for mugs
You just sing songs to pay for Drugs,
And where were we while you were getting high?
Someday we will find them
Caught beneath the landslide
In a cocaine supernova in the sky.
No way will we find you
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova
Cos Liam believes that they're
Gonna get away from the police.
But you and I, want them to die,
But Oasis are still around
We don't know why, why why why.
You must take us all for mugs
You just sing songs to pay for drugs,
Where were we while you were getting high?
You were getting high?
Samson was a hero in the days of old,
The spirit of the lord had made him bold,
The muscles on his arms stood out like rubber bands,
(Twang soo do)
And he had small hands!
Sex, Gopsi, Testicles Slurp!
Sex, Bondage, Slap and Tickle!
Sex, Turds, Mud, Pogopsi!
Sex, Sex, Sex and more sex!
Chorus:
McJim McJam McJoch McJiff, McGoo, McGoo
McJim McJam McJoch McJiff, McGoo, McGoo
McJim McJam McJoch McJiff, McJob McMe McYou McMoo
McJob Job Job Job Jobby Joo Joo Joo
McHi McBye Mc In the Sky
McYes McNo Mc I don't know
McDo Mc Poo Mc Timbucktoo
Bouncy bundle pig and fish
Chorus
McWack McSmack Mc Hooked on Crack
McHock McBock Mc Geoff and Joch
McRun McFlee Mc Fiddle dee dee
Bouncy bundle pig and fish.
Repeat Chorus.
Chorus:
Oh Latin it is wonderful
Oh Latin it is swell
Because It's rather silly
And it doesn't really Smell
Unless David Does a fart!
And then it smells like Hell!
Oh Yes! Oh Yes! Oh Yes! It is Latin!
Now French is a subject
That isn't really bad.
It isn't all that difficult
For that you can be Glad.
But when compared with Latin,
It really is quite Sad!
Oh French isn't quite as good as Latin. [Chorus]
PE is disgusting and
PE is very crap
But bonding it with Latin
Would put it on the map.
But the PE teachers are so thick!
So don't fall in the trap
You'd be much better off doing Latin! [Chorus]
German is a fine Language
Even though they're bloody Krauts,
How about that Adolf Hitler,
Wasn't he a lout?!
You either like it or you don't!
You'll have to work it out,
But good were the folk who spoke in Latin! [Chorus]
Maths can be monotonous
With lots of formulae
But it's good to get home afterwards
And do sums after tea.
I bet you didn't know that
Y is MX + C
But you'll find out much more than that in Latin. [Chorus]
English is a fine subject,
It's a language of the land.
And it is a good excuse
To fire rubber bands
But lots of boring essays
Make it less than grand!
And that's why it's not as good as Latin! [Chorus]