Killer Mockingbird, the

The killer mocking-bird was written by Harper Lee, the little-known illegitimate daughter of Bruce Lee, the martial arts actor, and Harper Collins, the publisher. It is a little-known fact that the character of Mrs Dubose is autobiographical, Lee having recently overcome a tranquilliser addiction by sawing her head off, which greatly improved her writing style.

The book is notable for it's powerful erotic under currents, having at its core the incestuous relationship between irritatingly cutesy Scout and smug do-gooder Atticus, and also the passionate homosexual affair between Dill and Jem, with occasional Boo Radley three-ways. While admittedly none of these are openly stated, the sensual erotic frisson between Mr Avery and Mrs Dubose is quite clear, noticeably in the notorious "Three condoms, a carrot and a Kenwood electronic potato peeler" episode, omitted from school copies of the book. Also censored are the notoriously violent passages of the novel, such as the one where Scout bites Dill's head off in a fit of incestuous jealousy over Jem; and the part where the Maycomb Missionary Society drunken orgy turns nasty as Aunt Alexandra finds the cheese-grater.

"To Kill a MotherFucking bird" by Harper Tarantino.

"Are you fucking with me, motherfucker?"

That was Atticus' dangerous question, especially when he was high on crack cocaine. Making a move in checkers, and blam-blam-blam, all your shot into little bits and a huge hole in your stomach.

"Kill all the people you like, but remember, it's a sin to kill a motherfucking bird."

That was the first time I had heard Atticus say that something was a sin. Normally he said it was a "Fucking Motherfucking Fuck."

When my brother Jem was thirteen, he had his right arm sawn off with a chainsaw, but so long as he could still pass stolen goods and do lines of Cocaine, he was happy. He said that the trouble all started when the million dollar cocaine heist went wrong; I said that if you wanted to take the long view, it started the summer Dill came, and we made him clear it up.1 We were both too old to set fire to each other so we asked Atticus, who got medieval on our asses. Motherfucker.

One day we played a game called "Boo Radley", in which we imagined the psychotic gangster who lived next door was actually a shy southern recluse. Suddenly, Mayella Ewell came crawling up the road, foaming at the mouth. We called Atticus, and he got out his M16 assault rifle and blew her away. "Eat motherfuckingfuck, motherfucker." he shouted as he ground his Ray-Ban shades underfoot.

"You never really know someone until you've removed their skin and walked around in it" Atticus used to say. I read a book about Stoned Boy, by nice Mr. Welsh, but that's another movie pastiche.

"Still, everyone's the same really, inside, aren't they."

"Well, if they're in a Tarantino film, yes scout," said Atticus, "He doesn't really do characterisation." Motherfucking wise-ass.

1. Yes, yes, I Know.