Shakespeare, William

Supposed 'genius' of English theatre who couldn't even write his own name properly. Plot summaries:

Hamlet: Indecisive foreigner gets killed by existentialist cigar-smoking ghost, everyone dies.

Macbeth: Over-decisive foreigner gets killed by wood, everyone dies.

King Lear: Unfunny limerick-writer kills himself.

Othello: Jealous foreigner kills wife, invents board game, everyone dies.

Midsummer nights dream: Hilariously named faries ponce around. Everyone dies of boredom.

See also: Shakespear, Shakesper, Shagsper, Shaggspeer, Shakin' Stevens, Shaggin' Stevens, Shaggy Saggy the Maths Teacher, Snoopy the nodding bear.