Not many people know how yoghurt is really made, and indeed the yoghurt industry goes around spreading lies about cultured bacteria and so on, an obviously false story - if bacteria are cultured, why do you never see them in art galleries?

Yoghurt is in fact made from the rancid remnants of ancient Peruvian tree frogs. This explains why it has an annoying tendency to jump out of the pot for no apparent reason and land on your tie. The dead frog, being dead, does not have very good eyesight, and so mistakes the tie for a pile of rotting yak's faeces, its favourite food; in its pitiful attempt to eat some, it ends up splattered over your tie. The only possible solution to this problem is to wear a tie which has a design that makes it look as if it is stained anyway. See Mr. Hardcastle for advice on this matter.