Ispog General Hospital Best in UK
Government statistics released last week showed Ispog General to be top of the "Most improved hospital" league last year. One person had been discharged alive - an infinite improvement from the previous year when every single person admitted had died. A spokesman for "SHITE" - the Society for Hospital Improvement Tables in England said:
"Well, technically by discharging a patient they scored a better percentage improvement than any other hospital, so it went straight to the top of the list". He added: "This is a loophole which we intend to eliminate next year".
Staff shortages are amoung the factors being blamed for the 23,385 deaths in the hospital in 2000, many of whom had simply been visiting relatives. Reports that 3 of the dead were delivery men dropping off new equipment are unconfirmed.
"This is very exciting news", said Roger Sprain, one of the Hospital's 35 managers, "but it's inportant not to become complacent - we've still a lot of work to do. The patient we successfully discharged is just the tip of the molehill, which we hope to make a mountain out of."
"I'm very dissapointed with them", said Ispog resident Mr George Bounce, the only resident to escape the hospital alive in 2001, just after being discharged.
"I only went in for a sprained wrist, and was very uncomfortable and badly treated during the three months I spend in intensive care" he added, just before being knocked down and killed by an ambulance bringing another patient into casualty.