Greek? Bollocks, more like
Or, 101 usefully poncey quotation for all occasions
Note: None of these are genuine. If caught out by some know-all smart-aleck, just smile indulgently and
say, 'well, as Confucius used to say, "Ho-la Sa Cada Da!"' They, not knowing any Classical Chinese,
won't dare to contradict you, and will be left, as my chum Philip Larkin used to mutter,
"Up Shit Creek without a toast-rack"
Category 1: General Poncey Quotations
(To be used to fill awkward conversational pauses and show how erudite and learned you are.)
Plato: Fancy a shag, Socrates?
Socrates: Piss off, Im rogering Aristophanes
Shakespeare: Alas, Time, that 'twas untimely ripp'd from his mother's incarandine womb of outrageous fortune, play on.
Love, 'tis the sweetest fruit of all our desires, gorgeous fount of Venus' well of tearful dewdrop moonshine-de-do-de-do-de-doo-dop-a wooba.
Xerxes: It is better to die fighting than to live in cowardly peace (Note.. This is NOT TRUE. It is, however, useful to show how brave you are).
Nietzsche: Das SchelBe der Krappen-Haus ist sehr brun.
Hiller: Ach, ia! (Note: to be used only when drunk, accompanied by musing walk and hilarious finger-moustache. Use only in the company of Germans).
Sex Quotations:
Cor, I'm desperate for a shag, myself - Mother Theresa
Size isn't important - Gilvo
Time for sex - Zebedee, father of John and James the Apostles
I'm a great enthusiast for shags, and many other types of sea-bird - Susannah Ford
Want a shag? - Any member of Gopsi
Quotations about cheese:
Cheese, light of man's Venus-clad desire, hard yellow substance of moonlight passion, I do ode to thee - Keats, Ode to a Sainsbury's Cheddar
Personally, I think that all cheese is good for is sex and D.I.Y. - Suzanne Moore
Fancy a shag? - Albert the Cheese
Quotations about Sprocket Wheels:
Alas, poor Yorik, I knew him Sprocket-Wheel - Shakespeare (Note: More educated people may spot the slight misquotation here!)