Kennedy, John Fitzgerald

Although many theories exist as to how, why and by whom this American president was assassinated, the relevant members of Gopsi uncovered some incriminating documents during the excavations of the black pole area.

It was discovered in these documents that the members of the IRA Mafia brothel took a holiday to the United states of America, stopping off at Miami to buy and sell some drugs.

They then kidnapped the president, placing an unsuspecting lookalike in his place, who they then shot, so that everyone would assume that J.F.K. was dead.

They returned to St. Albans, and the IRA Mafia brothel with the president, tortured him, and then kept him in the boot of and old black car. They intend to keep him there until the year 2000, when they intend to destroy the planet, live on Jupiter, and use him as their leader.

Although Gopsi has made many attempts to open this car, it is still unknown as to whether or not there is truth in this story, although several moans of pain and great speeches have come from this car. The Godfather once noticed our attempts, and the boot of the car is now heavily protected with a piece of string.

We tried to take these documents, and hand them to the FBI, but unfortunately they got eaten by a Llama on the way.