How many times have you thought, whilst a-seated on the lavatory "Ooh! Wouldn't that dump be just so tasty!"? Never? Well I can tell you that in fact turds are not made of semi-melted chocolate but are indeed really revolting. Just for the occasion, I did not make up a song about turds. I could have done but I thought it sounded a bit silly.

Turds: the facts.
Colour: Turd Brown
Taste: Regurgitated mud pie.
Texture: All slimy and squidgy (unless they're dried out, in which case they are tough and chewy)
Place of origin: Bottoms!
GOPSI max. length of
time without doing one:
120 hours, by David Edgar (since records began). Nb. Competition still open for improvement.